THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
