a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
