My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
