omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
