Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize