so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
