mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
