tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
