people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
FUCK WHALES
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
