I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize