how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
