I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
