I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
