Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
