just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
