i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
