'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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