Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
