It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
