my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
