Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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