I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
