I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
