i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize