I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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