Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think your dad took our porno
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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