PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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