It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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