well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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