Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
