Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize