oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
wow bdsm is so cute
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
