she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
