we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
