Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
