I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
