I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
