There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Pants are for mortals
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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