So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
