everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
