Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
