It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize