I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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