Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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