i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
