I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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