Don't you send me to vm
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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