I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
