paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
