Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
