He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
