I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my sisters under your porch take her home
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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