sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
