Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
