She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
