Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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