we have pet lesbian snakes
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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