dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize