This beer is not sobering me up at all
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
