I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
