this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
