And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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