Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
