marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
