come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
That accounts for only three of the penises
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
