do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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