He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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