Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
