I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
