Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I am mentally ready for anal.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
