You made me cry and you don't even care
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
