mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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